I had my first therapy session today! Although most of the day felt normal, I hope each day from here on out feels a little different. I hope it looks brighter, makes me feel stronger, and brings peace to my soul. I haven’t made much progress yet, but I know starting therapy still counts for something.
Trauma has a way of coming back int your life, especially after you’ve tried moving on. As I’ve been focusing more on God’s plan for my life, I still haven’t made headway in any direction. It’s felt like there was something blocking my path and it was more than I could handle on my own.
I’ve read books about goal setting. I’ve dived into articles about the importance of small steps. I’ve watched videos about creating monthly challenges. I’ve listened to motivational podcasts on a daily basis. I know God created me with divine worth and Jesus died for my sins. I pray constantly to show gratitude for this wonderful life I’ve been given.
When I take a look at my past, it comes with the same level of self-doubt, worry, and uncertainty that I’m so used to. I’m not sure I’ll be able to move forward until I go back to resolve them. I’ve been to therapy before, but I think this time will be really beneficial for me. I’ll work on creating a better lifestyle for myself, learn how to cope with my dysthymia, and turn down the constant thoughts of not being good enough.
I don’t want to be the person who hates working in an office because of my weight. I don’t want to avoid having people over because my house isn’t organized. I don’t want to skip traveling because I haven’t accomplished enough. I want to be the person who puts in the work, makes changes, and lives for the imperfection in each day. And now I’m going to therapy, I really feel like I can become that person.