It finally feels like spring outside! I’m a little disappointed that I can’t be outside enjoying every minute of it, but even going for a drive last weekend to see what’s blossoming improved my mood quite a bit. I also received some more news from my appointments this week that made me feel a little better. It turns out my sciatic nerve is being pinched in two places, my herniated disc and my piriformis muscle. My recovery might be a little harder, but it explains my symptoms more accurately and my exercises have been adjusted accordingly. It’s not the best news, but it’s given me more hope that I’ll be able to keep moving forward.
Last week, I mentioned how big of a challenge this condition has been for me both physically and mentally. But I feel like it’s time to start being positive again and consider all the ways it has been beneficial as well. As part of my faith, I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason. And this is no exception.
I’ve had to rely on my relationship with God more than I’ve ever had to before. I’ve prayed for strength, forgiveness, and mercy. I’ve been humbled and compelled to let go of my pride. It felt a little humiliating at first, but every time I had to ask my loved ones for help they were graciously willing to pitch in without further explanation. They’ve continually proved that they care for me and my well being.
I’ve also been forced to slow down and confront myself, my thoughts, and all my problems head on. I’m starting to appreciate who I am on a much deeper level. I have a better understanding of what makes me happy, what I want in my life, and what I can live without. I’ve developed more empathy simply because I don’t have enough space in my life for animosity. I’ve been comparing myself to the person I was the day before, instead of all the false personas I see on social media. I feel like less of a failure and more like a strong warrior that’s able to overcome hardships. I’m becoming more conscious of my health and have the opportunity to rebuild myself from the ground up.
I have a feeling that these past few weeks are only going to make my journey feel a lot sweeter in the end. I’ll be more appreciative of all the little things I’ve taken for granted over the years, even when I’m having a hard time. I’ll be more disciplined every day and find ways to take care of myself, even when I’m busy. I’ll make time to do all the things I’ve always wanted to do, even when I’m scared of failing. I’ll be more involved in my religion and continue to devote myself to God, even when it feels unnecessary. Because now I know the alternative and it’s something I want to avoid at all costs.